I Lost Love - Dealing With Loss In A Relationship
I always seem to find myself deep in thought about previous relationships and how eventually I lost love. I try to learn from the experiences where I lost love so that I can do better next time. One of my biggest focuses is always to move on with a much greater understanding of the concept of love than what I had before.
There are parts of my life where I was absolutely sure that I lost love in a way that was worse than ever before. I always felt as if my life was over at this point and perhaps that I would never find love again. However, as it turns out, each and every time that I lost love, it was only so that I could move on and find a better and stronger love in the future.
We all have to remember that love has a spontaneous lifespan just like everything else that we experience in our lives. Every time that I lost love, I realized this, and it helped me move on and make sense of what I was feeling in a capacity that allowed me to find happiness again even after losing love.
Each time that I lost love, I found myself realizing that the lifespan of the most recent relationship was longer than the lifespan of the last relationship, meaning that each relationship brought more meaning and more joy than before. I was definitely benefitting, growing as a person, even though it did not always seem so at the time.
Typically any time that I lost love, I felt as if I was never going to get it back. I felt as if I was lost forever and would never feel joy or love or happiness again. But upon thinking about the relationship and the moment where I lost love, I eventually realized that even though the end of the relationship was bad or rocky, I still walked away with good things, learning and growing as a person in the process.
I soon realized that just because I lost love, that did not mean that I would not find it again.
I realized that just because I had lost love, it did not mean that I was destined to be alone forever.
Most importantly, I learned that in losing love, I was learning how to find love again.
As we get older and become more experienced in matters of the heart, our relationship life spans grow, and our loves increase and become more powerful and more influential over our lives. That means losing love is a part of gaining love and growing love.
If you are in a position where you have lost love, don't let your willpower to carry on falter. You will either rekindle that love if it is meant to be, or you will find new and better love in the future, having learned from each and every one of your past relationships, even the bad ones.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
How To Get My Boyfriend Back After I Drove Him Away
How To Get My Boyfriend Back After I Drove Him Away
One of the questions that you may ask yourself is how to get my boyfriend back. The practice of dating is full of ups and downs, and most of the downs are the result of a misunderstanding. So when you are trying to figure out what went wrong, here are some clues as to where men get the wrong message and end up backing off.
Many men back off for a reason that seems counter intuitive. By trying too hard to please the guy, serving his every need, in the end you are selling yourself as a doormat in his eyes. The idea is to be respectful with who you are, and how you sell yourself. That is not to say you should be dominant, but that you should say that being someone who is respectable is how to get my boyfriend back. Men do like to be treated well at times, but they want women who can standup for themselves.
Another thing that will send them away is to talk about your ex's. Men are competing when they are dating. They are thinking of the other men who are potential competitors to their efforts, so when you mention other men in your life you are giving them something to compare against. Again, this is not to say you should not say anything. Background and personal history is important. Knowing that you dated one man throughout high school and college is important. Telling your date that he is a football player with 20 awards, his game stats, where his tattoos are, etc. is too much. Focusing on one ex will sell the idea that either you still have feelings for him, or if it is all negative, you will cause your date to over analyze themselves.
Business like behavior, or conversely being too promiscuous, will work against you. The general ideal is a lady like or feminine behavior. Too much on the skin side can work against you, but being boyish will also push away prospects. You should be feminine, conservative, and someone who is not cheap or intimidating.
Pressuring him is another turn off. This includes trying to get him to define his role and analyze who he is and how he feels. Men tend not to like having their feelings challenged, and if he has an idea that is proven wrong, then it can send him packing.
Another thing to send him packing is to try and change him. You can't. Men think that being steady means that you want him for him, so trying to change him is going to tell him he has a serious problem. Even if he does not have a problem, trying to change him will challenge his feelings and strip him of who he is. Let him be him. If you need something else, find someone else.
No one is perfect, and no relationship is perfect; but when you are trying to figure out how to get my boyfriend back, these are steps to make sure you do not scare him off.
One of the questions that you may ask yourself is how to get my boyfriend back. The practice of dating is full of ups and downs, and most of the downs are the result of a misunderstanding. So when you are trying to figure out what went wrong, here are some clues as to where men get the wrong message and end up backing off.
Many men back off for a reason that seems counter intuitive. By trying too hard to please the guy, serving his every need, in the end you are selling yourself as a doormat in his eyes. The idea is to be respectful with who you are, and how you sell yourself. That is not to say you should be dominant, but that you should say that being someone who is respectable is how to get my boyfriend back. Men do like to be treated well at times, but they want women who can standup for themselves.
Another thing that will send them away is to talk about your ex's. Men are competing when they are dating. They are thinking of the other men who are potential competitors to their efforts, so when you mention other men in your life you are giving them something to compare against. Again, this is not to say you should not say anything. Background and personal history is important. Knowing that you dated one man throughout high school and college is important. Telling your date that he is a football player with 20 awards, his game stats, where his tattoos are, etc. is too much. Focusing on one ex will sell the idea that either you still have feelings for him, or if it is all negative, you will cause your date to over analyze themselves.
Business like behavior, or conversely being too promiscuous, will work against you. The general ideal is a lady like or feminine behavior. Too much on the skin side can work against you, but being boyish will also push away prospects. You should be feminine, conservative, and someone who is not cheap or intimidating.
Pressuring him is another turn off. This includes trying to get him to define his role and analyze who he is and how he feels. Men tend not to like having their feelings challenged, and if he has an idea that is proven wrong, then it can send him packing.
Another thing to send him packing is to try and change him. You can't. Men think that being steady means that you want him for him, so trying to change him is going to tell him he has a serious problem. Even if he does not have a problem, trying to change him will challenge his feelings and strip him of who he is. Let him be him. If you need something else, find someone else.
No one is perfect, and no relationship is perfect; but when you are trying to figure out how to get my boyfriend back, these are steps to make sure you do not scare him off.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Taking Steps To Get Girl Back
When you’ve broken up with someone you care about you have a hard time thinking of anything but how to get girl back. If you truly want this to happen, you’ll probably have to make some changes. Whatever happened to cause the break up should be looked at. Was it something you did, or didn’t do? Is it something that you can still fix, or is it too late?
If it was something you did or didn’t do and you can fix it now, then fix it. Undo something, or do something you should have done already. Apologize and make amends. This alone might not get girl back, but it’s the first step on the path to getting her back. If whatever happened can’t be fixed, then at the very least make sure she knows that you’re sorry and that you'd change what happened if you could.
Now that you’ve moved past what caused the break up, the next step to get girl back is to make her want you back. That sounds like common sense, but so many people don’t do it. If the relationship ended with her angry, then you have to show her the you that makes her happy again. You’re going to have to be especially patient and forgiving. Be as sweet as you can possibly be when you talk to her or see her.
Even if you’re angry at the time or you feel far from happy, at least show her the most pleasant side of yourself you can. Make her remember your good qualities and what she liked about you when you were happy. If she feels you have truly apologized for what caused the break up and she sees your sweet side again, you might be able to get girl back.
It’s important to pay close attention when you see or talk to her. Listen carefully and don’t interrupt. Let her express herself without jumping in and telling her how she ought to feel or what she ought to do. You won’t get girl back by trying to boss her around!
You also need to pay close attention to see if your efforts are having an effect. Sometimes you can see that she’s softening to you. She talks nicer when she sees you, and you have been seeing her more often. Maybe she even seeks you out more often than she did before. Or she seeks you out now after ignoring you for a long time. Your efforts to get girl back are working!
Because she’s so impressed with how sweet you are, she wants to be around you more. And that only reminds her why she wanted to be with you in the first place. Pay careful attention also if you suddenly stop seeing her as much as before, or she becomes distant or angry talking when you see her. That’s a good sign that you’re pushing and she’s uncomfortable. Take a break and you’ll have a better chance to get girl back.
If it was something you did or didn’t do and you can fix it now, then fix it. Undo something, or do something you should have done already. Apologize and make amends. This alone might not get girl back, but it’s the first step on the path to getting her back. If whatever happened can’t be fixed, then at the very least make sure she knows that you’re sorry and that you'd change what happened if you could.
Now that you’ve moved past what caused the break up, the next step to get girl back is to make her want you back. That sounds like common sense, but so many people don’t do it. If the relationship ended with her angry, then you have to show her the you that makes her happy again. You’re going to have to be especially patient and forgiving. Be as sweet as you can possibly be when you talk to her or see her.
Even if you’re angry at the time or you feel far from happy, at least show her the most pleasant side of yourself you can. Make her remember your good qualities and what she liked about you when you were happy. If she feels you have truly apologized for what caused the break up and she sees your sweet side again, you might be able to get girl back.
It’s important to pay close attention when you see or talk to her. Listen carefully and don’t interrupt. Let her express herself without jumping in and telling her how she ought to feel or what she ought to do. You won’t get girl back by trying to boss her around!
You also need to pay close attention to see if your efforts are having an effect. Sometimes you can see that she’s softening to you. She talks nicer when she sees you, and you have been seeing her more often. Maybe she even seeks you out more often than she did before. Or she seeks you out now after ignoring you for a long time. Your efforts to get girl back are working!
Because she’s so impressed with how sweet you are, she wants to be around you more. And that only reminds her why she wanted to be with you in the first place. Pay careful attention also if you suddenly stop seeing her as much as before, or she becomes distant or angry talking when you see her. That’s a good sign that you’re pushing and she’s uncomfortable. Take a break and you’ll have a better chance to get girl back.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Avoiding A Love Break Up
If you’ve ever had your love break up you know how painful it is. And if you thought back after the relationship ended, you probably saw all the signs that you didn’t recognize before. If you’ll remember those signs and keep them in mind, they can help you prevent a break up in the future. And they can also help you get back together after a split.
One sure sign of impending love break up is the lack of physical contact. This doesn’t just mean sex. If your partner suddenly stops having an interest in sex, that’s a good sign that a break up is coming. But the normal flow and rhythm of a relationship has times when there’s lots of sex and times when there’s not much. This is natural.
A love break up is probably on the horizon though, if your partner stops holding your hand for no apparent reason. Or he or she stops putting an arm over your shoulder at the movies or in public when he or she always did it before. Any sudden changes like not touching you much outside the bedroom when your partner was always very affectionate before could signal problems.
If it goes beyond not touching to the person actually becoming uncomfortable at your touch, then you definitely need to have a conversation with your partner about what’s going on. Don’t just assume that because your partner flinched away from your touch that there’s about to be a love break up, though. Many things can cause a person to not want to be touched at any given moment.
A person might have been thinking of something else and been surprised or startled by the touch. He or she might think that your touch signals that it’s time to have sex, if you’re not very affectionate except when you want to be intimate. And maybe your partner isn’t in the mood for sex now and chose to show you that by moving away from your touch. That doesn’t mean you’re headed for a love break up.
Your partner might simply not feel good. Every change in a person’s behavior doesn’t signal an impending love break up or even anything wrong with the relationship. You have to watch them closely for a while to determine if some behavior is an occasional thing, something brought on only during certain times, or if it’s a permanent part of the person’s make up.
Catching your partner in lies, even what seem like small and harmless ones, could be a sign of problems, too. After all, if a lie is small and harmless, why tell it in the first place? Where there’s one tiny lie, larger and more damaging lies can grow. Don’t become convinced it’s a love break up right away though. People lie about many things that aren’t bad, like surprise parties and reunions. Your partner might be trying to keep a harmless and fun secret like that, instead of scheming about a love break up.
One sure sign of impending love break up is the lack of physical contact. This doesn’t just mean sex. If your partner suddenly stops having an interest in sex, that’s a good sign that a break up is coming. But the normal flow and rhythm of a relationship has times when there’s lots of sex and times when there’s not much. This is natural.
A love break up is probably on the horizon though, if your partner stops holding your hand for no apparent reason. Or he or she stops putting an arm over your shoulder at the movies or in public when he or she always did it before. Any sudden changes like not touching you much outside the bedroom when your partner was always very affectionate before could signal problems.
If it goes beyond not touching to the person actually becoming uncomfortable at your touch, then you definitely need to have a conversation with your partner about what’s going on. Don’t just assume that because your partner flinched away from your touch that there’s about to be a love break up, though. Many things can cause a person to not want to be touched at any given moment.
A person might have been thinking of something else and been surprised or startled by the touch. He or she might think that your touch signals that it’s time to have sex, if you’re not very affectionate except when you want to be intimate. And maybe your partner isn’t in the mood for sex now and chose to show you that by moving away from your touch. That doesn’t mean you’re headed for a love break up.
Your partner might simply not feel good. Every change in a person’s behavior doesn’t signal an impending love break up or even anything wrong with the relationship. You have to watch them closely for a while to determine if some behavior is an occasional thing, something brought on only during certain times, or if it’s a permanent part of the person’s make up.
Catching your partner in lies, even what seem like small and harmless ones, could be a sign of problems, too. After all, if a lie is small and harmless, why tell it in the first place? Where there’s one tiny lie, larger and more damaging lies can grow. Don’t become convinced it’s a love break up right away though. People lie about many things that aren’t bad, like surprise parties and reunions. Your partner might be trying to keep a harmless and fun secret like that, instead of scheming about a love break up.
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